Moses' Mom

For a few years after my older son moved out of my home to live with his dad following a terribly bitter divorce full of lies, drugs, alcohol, and violence, I was shattered. Beyond shattered. Imagining myself in tiny pieces scattered across a timeline of my adult years. Upset in every piece at what I had allowed, endured. What could I have done differently? How could I have reacted differently? How could I have kept my child from walking away? The truth is, I wanted to be the dad in the story of the Prodigal. I wanted to have a repentant child. I began to identify with his feelings of "just come home." I remembered that story vividly and, for a while, wished for him to eat with the pigs, like the Prodigal did, just so he would come home.

But, the story of the Prodigal is about so much more. Its about a change.. not just of circumstances, but of heart. Of remembering who loved you when you had nothing. Remembering who kept you safe and warm and fed. I was asking for the wrong things. I was asking for brokenness for selfish reasons instead of asking for the broken to be healed by Jesus.

As I thought on this and prayed, (and cried a LOT), I asked God to send me peace and comfort. He whispered to my heart, "Moses' Mom". Yes, Lord.. its her. She is who I need to be... the mom who allowed her son to float away and trusted, even when the basket floated out of sight, even when he was exiled, even when.... She allowed the Lord to transform Moses' life while praying and watching. She let the Lord do the work and marveled as a bystander. Her realization that Moses first belonged to the Lord is what I had to learn from. Although identifying with her is so very hard, it is my present circumstance. It is written in my story, but mostly importantly, its is written in Carsyn's. I have full faith that one day, he will have a great testimony. That basket didn't float forever, the exile didn't last either. That mama, she had peace about him one day. So will I, and more importantly, my child will find his way back home and peace that only comes from Father. My heart knows it, because He is good. So for now, I just trust and pray. If this is your season too, one of waiting on the unknown, I'm praying for you too, sis. It's hard.